Mental Health Month began in May of 1949 to raise awareness of mental health conditions and mental health wellness.

Mental health conditions and disorders are often the result of our thinking. Our thoughts about the past, present and future can affect how we feel. Our thoughts can create extreme emotional and physical pain. Understanding the thought process isn’t an easy task, and ‘positive thinking’ itself isn’t the cure all to a healthy mental state.

One of the most important things is acknowledge our thoughts and feelings, and accept them for what they are; thoughts and feelings. Then, ask yourself why you are having these thoughts which are creating what you are feeling. Examining the thoughts and feelings, and becoming ‘aware’ is half the battle to mental wellness.

Denying oneself of feelings, or ‘pushing away’ these negative thoughts and feelings often makes the problem, or problems worse.

Often a therapist, physician, or mental health professional will ask the typical question of ‘How does that make you feel’ for a reason. The reason is simply to get the patient, or client to express the feeling, in order to get to the thought behind the feeling. Once the ‘feeling’ is described, it may become easier to access the thought behind the feeling.

We have so many thoughts going on, that sharing our thoughts and pin-pointing which thoughts may be responsible for the way we feel is more than challenging, even for a health professional.

This being Mental Health Awareness Month we will be celebrating this long time tradition of creating awareness around this very important topic for the month of May, and will be providing some great insight, help and resources to assist in keeping both your mental, and physical health in check.

April – National Official Sexual Assault and Abuse Awareness Month.

Winnipeg- If it’s not sexual crimes we read about in the papers, or sexual assaults and child abuse stories, we are subjected to reading and hearing about the sex offenders who are getting away with sentences which do not fit the crime of these heinous acts committed against men, women and children.

As harsh as it may sound these offenders are getting away with murder. (Souls die) Many victims end up dead or live a dead life. Often suicide is their only answer to end the pain after they have made every attempt to regain control over their lives. Self destruction is a common side effect, as is the chase of living a normal life, doing everything and anything to ‘get over it’ or to forget about it and put it in the past.

Those of us who survive, are usually left with little support from our government, and health care systems.
We may be referred to some free clinics, or may be offered to join group support, or at best, handed a pamphlet of ‘resources in your area’ where you can find support.

Much of the support available comes from therapists who only have text book experience, knowledge or insight from other survivors which they have successfully or unsuccessfully ‘treated’
It isn’t enough.

Please Psychiatrist; hand me a gun!

Psychiatrists will dole out labels, and prescriptions for every symptom or complaint that the survivor presents at each visit, often creating a psycho-pharmacology mess.
These doctors- professionals, often contribute to the addiction to prescription medications including providing the patient with enough medication to overdose. Might as well hand them (the patient / survivor) a gun.

Unless you can afford the ‘real deal’ therapy, (which comes out of your own pocket) or if you have monies to purchase books that could possibly help, or have the time to spend countless hours at your nearby library; you are basically ‘shit out of luck’
If victims don’t have access to a computer for additional help, or to find access to more help, and the ability to connect with other survivors, they too are left with less tools or help and support.

Victims of assault often blame themselves, they feel immense shame no matter how many times they are told “it wasn’t your fault”
We might believe that, and we may even know it, deep down within our core- but, it continues to resurface: often without our being aware that it is happening.

Drugs, legal or prescribed are used, and abused to help these thoughts -feelings and the actions of the survivor that occur at anytime in their chaotic life.

Survivors do not know how to love, or be loved after assault.

Survivors have been robbed of one of the most wonderful and pleasurable gifts known to mankind.
It’s called Sex; they simply do not know how to enjoy it, or believe that there is, or will ever be a time where they will find interest in a healthy sexual relationship.

There are things that a survivor simply will never share or talk about to a therapist or to anyone.

There are things that a therapist also, simply won’t ask a survivor. The questions that need to be asked aren’t.
The therapy that the survivor needs isn’t provided, mostly because the therapists are unaware of the survivor’s needs, or wants because he or she won’t “bring it up” therefore the real present, current issues and challenges or problems are never addressed. – no one is creating awareness around this topic that needs to be discussed, shared, and treated.

There can’t be a solution to a problem, or problems, if we don’t know what the problem is, or if there even is one.

Child Abuse and Sexual Assault Awareness Month- April

It isn’t enough to talk with our children about ‘strangers’ anymore these days, because most often the persons committing the atrocious assaults are not strangers: the perpetrators are friends, family, coaches, and people that we know. The sex offenders are people in power positions, they are the very people who our children trust, and the very people we as parents trust to take care of our children.
Day care workers, babysitters, and teachers are just a few of these potential child abusers who we need to be watchful of.
What happens when someone is sexually assaulted?
Essentially the victim has been robbed. The attack and assault regardless of the degree of the assault, where or how it happened, or how many times it happened and ‘who’ did it causes extreme immediate and ongoing prolonged affects to the victim for the rest of their life.
Even if there has been treatment, therapy, or support and the person assaulted goes from ‘victim’ to ‘survivor’ the life and lives of those who have been exposed to this nasty epidemic will be changed forever.

Assault of this nature affects everyone.

It’s time to do something different; Because what we are doing just isn’t working.

Please view the resources page provided for assistance in the Winnipeg, Manitoba area- or contact the writer on the contact us page.

It seems that when justice fails, we have ‘just us’ to rely on to create the necessary changes to help save others from the heinous sex crimes committed by the perpetrators, predators and pedophiles of the world.

We have a major problem when judges do not take the issue of sexual offenses seriously, sending a message to perps that it’s no big deal to sexually offend.

That’s the message that was heard loud and clear by ALL, when disgraced hockey coach Graham James was sentenced to only 2 years of jail time for sexually and emotionally abusing  his victims. James preyed upon his victims in the same manner as all perps do, using his trust, his power and his position to manipulate human beings for his own gratification.

For James it was a slap on the wrist; for his victims, and to all victims and survivors of abuse, it was a slap in the face.

1 in 3 girls, and 1 in 5 boys are abused by the time they reach 18 (that we KNOW of) the statistics really cannot be measured accurately, as most victims will never report having been sexually abused. Sexual assault and child sexual abuse is the most unreported crime; yet it is one of the most prevalent crimes happening around us everyday. The reasons for not reporting are numerous, and the list of ‘why not’- is enormous.

This recent sentence, as well as many other ‘sentences’ adds to that list. This type of sentencing is one of the reasons that the atrocity of child abuse continues on. It (child abuse) continues to grow as a wide spread epidemic which will not stop until judges, our justice system, and our government officials DO something about it.

What can they (our government and justice system) do? They can start by punishing the offenders to the fullest extent of the law, changing the laws, deterring others from ever entertaining the idea of abusing another human being of this nature.

The cost to the victims and their families is inconceivable. The price victims and survivors pay cannot be measured. The effects are life long, devastating, and often end in death.

The cost to the government for every person sexually assaulted is of great enormity.

If they (government) only knew how much this costs them. Survivors often cannot work, they are often unemployable due to depression, anxiety, addictions, and physical ailments. Mental health issues create physical havoc on their bodies. Many survivors end up on social assistance- they require copious amounts of medications often self medicating, ending up in emergency rooms. All costing governments money.

Victims/survivors may seek help from the much needed resources, and treatment centre’s which we wouldn’t need if this epidemic wasn’t around; unfortunately it is, and as it (the epidemic) grows we require more resources, more funding, more shelters– shelters also are crying for help as more and more women and men are in need of them. There is no funding to keep these shelters alive…in turn, putting those who need them at even greater risk for harm by abusive spouses, who were also most likely abused in their pasts.

It is a viscous cycle which NEEDS to stop. It can only stop if WE DO something to stop this madness. We the survivors can only do so much, we did our part, we survived, and we continue to survive so others can too…we need the government officials to step up and help, and say ‘no more’. These crimes must not go unpunished, or punished with the leniency it has in the past.

It is the present, the past is yesterday, today we can make a difference, we can stop the offenders and those who have the ‘desire’ to offend, and re- offend.

Holding the public accountable for being on the watch out for released sex offenders who are at risk to re-offend simply isn’t right either. It is your job(s) to keep these criminals off our streets, and away from our children, from our women and men…it is your JOB, and your responsibility and moral obligation to keep the public safe.

It’s time for that change- we deserve and demand it. We are the 8+ Million who are NOW watching you- YOU our government.

What will you do at our next election? Are you prepared? Because WE are.

Theo Fleury and Todd Holt Statement

Sheldon Kennedy and Greg Gilhooly CTV News

Follow up story…to be continued

There is an epidemic that is killing people. It’s far worse than H1N1. This epidemic may never be under control like Sars, there is no flu shot for prevention and there is little treatment for it.

It’s affects can be deadly. Once a person has been affected by this epidemic in any way, or have had some exposure to this epidemic they will suffer from some type of side effect. From it’s mildest effects to extreme exposure the effects are lifelong and in many cases has resulted in death.
This epidemic is spreading and growing at an alarming rate. And not much is being done to stop it. It’s called IVB – [Intentional Violent Behavior] It’s been reported in the news, on television, movies are made of it.
It’s talked about by those who care about others well being- and awareness is created.

Unfortunately, it is kept all too silent as well… many have shame that they may have fallen victim: Some are judged or feel judged as though they attracted this into their lives somehow.
Let’s start with some basic info about IVB;
Let’s use a more common term for this epidemic- violent behavior.
It comes in many forms from domestic violence and abuse, child abuse to spousal abuse.

Unfortunately we live in far more violent world, than a peaceful world.

Peace doesn’t make for great news or television.

Violence is occurring everywhere to our children and teens from bullying and verbal abuse, “texting” and attacks on Facebook…sexual abuse committed by coaches, teachers and doctors.
The power people. Doctors raping patients-and more doctors raping patients-the very people who we trust not to contribute to the epidemic are doing so.

Violence occurs in sports, even in sports where violence often isn’t a part of the game.
Heck, look back on the figure skating violent event that occurred a number of years ago when the famous skater was brutally attacked by her competitor. Who would think that something so beautiful like figure skating could turn so violent? – Old news, but something many will never forget.

What is being done to stop unnecessary violence? What is being done to stop abuse of all sorts?
Not much.
Look at our justice system. It pretty much says it all. Read a few Winnipeg headlines alone, regarding violence, abuse, rape, or any of the criminal activity that are in our papers daily. Let alone world violence…

Then go ahead read about what happens to those who are committing these violent crimes: not enough is done to make people think twice about violence.

The only way to stop the nonsense is to keep awareness out there and create preventative measures: no matter what that might consist of- to prevent the ‘violence-abuse epidemic’ from spreading.
We need to provide treatment when someone is afflicted by the epidemic. (Like everything else though, it costs money- BIG BUCKS!) Lives are on the line. It is one of the worst epidemics EVER.

A conscious devoted effort of keeping the epidemic from spreading further- is what is needed. This can only stop if people treat it, and see it for what it is; a wide spread growing epidemic that affects everyone.

Top News Stories- including violence in sports where a certain degree of violence is expected, but not to these extremes- ie.)Top 10 heinous acts in hockey

News stories including a Winnipeg Judge who brushed off a rape incident by stating “Sex was in the air”the woman wore a lot of make up, and a tube top: Judge Dewar claimed “dressed inappropriately” doesn’t help our situations of violence, assault, and rape. Blaming the victim doesn’t work.

With little punishments and lenient jail sentences, or pardons granted to the very people who need jail time are basically getting away with murdering souls- thankfully some victims make it- they survive.
Many however don’t, and they fall victim to the devastating effects of these heinous crimes, often resulting in death.

If you, or someone you know, has been affected by IVB please leave a comment below. Expose the epidemic, help stop it.

Writing a book.

Those who have read a couple of chapters use words like; “Riveting”, ‘Powerful’,  ‘Shocking’, ‘Informative’ and helpful… then there are Sherman Hue’s touching words at the side bar of the blog…

Personally, I call it sad- followed by Survivor.

I made a sign one day, and put it in the window…hoping someone would see it and come to my rescue. No one did.

D.I.D. Did…

Where it all began 'The hopeful help sign'

Jeep Logo gminsidenews

Jeep- it makes me sick—!

When I watch the new Jeep commercial about ‘your name’, about how no one can take away your name- I cringe.

I want to throw something at the television.

I want to write them, or call them up to let them know how wrong they are,  how it triggers unbearable memories I want Jeep to know they what the truth really is…!!!

I want them to know that they got this one all wrong.

Jeep- you got it wrong!

They took away my name;

I was born Karen Hartmann. In grade 2, my name was taken away…

My mothers partner moved in with us and although they didn’t get married until much later in my life, I was to start using his name. He never adopted us kids, or anything like that, but we were to call him ‘Dad’ and use his name.

I recall having to practice saying my new name, and spelling it. I hated this new name, and it was difficult to learn the spelling of it. My parents also preferred the German way of spelling the name with an ‘i’ rather than an ‘e’ – So I became Karin. Karin Schmidt. There no longer was a Karen Hartmann. She no longer existed.

I knew the teasing that I was going to have to endure when I returned to school that fall. After all, Schmidt, rhymed with- well, you know what it rhymes with…

When it was time to stand up in class, in front of our desks and say our names on that first day of school, I felt myself freeze up. I had been treading this day for a long time. I was feeling sick to my stomach.

I hoped that something would happen; anything ~ maybe the fire alarms would go off, or maybe something terrible would happen just before it was my turn to say my name. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. It was my turn to say my name-the teacher reminded us to say our names loud and clear.

I felt my face flush, I turned beat red. I could barely breathe. I knew there was no way out of this. I shamefully said “Karin Schmidt”

The giggles, snickers and taunting began instantly. One of the students laughed and said “that’s not her name – her name is Karen Hartmann” while another student asked if I got married. How stupid I thought, how could a child get married? Besides I didn’t know that when you get married your name changes, or can change.

The teacher was trying to get the class to calm down, and to stop talking. She never asked why my name changed.

I just sat down, and quietly cried to myself, choking back tears and trying to hold back from going into the sobbing cry that was bubbling up in side me choking me.

“Why did they [parents] have to take my name?” How could they do this to me? How could they take away my name, and cause me such torment and embarrassment?”

Of all names on the face of the earth why did he have to have such a stupid name like ‘Schmidt’?

I hated that I had to practice spelling my new name.

In grade 2, and I had to relearn how to spell my name. I hated that I couldn’t remember the ‘D’ in Schmidt…

The teasing went on until about grade 7, even though the teachers told the kids not to tease me, or “name call me” with the rhyming word- they still did. Recesses were worst, or before and after school. I had no friends. No one wanted to be around me, all because of my new name.

First they took away my name, then they took away my life. Identity, innocence, and more was taken away; If they can take your name, what else can they take?

So, Jeep- your slogan that ‘No one can take away your name, or identity’ – is simply wrong…

It happened to me, and surely if it happened to me, it can happen to others. I am now an adult, I married and became~ Karin Hiebert ~by CHOICE I changed my name- choosing to change felt a lot different than someone(s) taking it away.

After my husband and I divorced- I still kept my name, Karin Hiebert.  I’ve since  remarried- and have not ‘taken on’ my new husbands name.

Karin Hiebert is who I am, and always will be. Because this is my name- this is my identity, this is how people know me, I am known as Hiebert

So, Jeep, you may be partially right: this time around no one can: or will take my name-unless I become a victim of identity theft- or some other unforeseen reason. (cyber squatters??

~ looking back over school pictures from elementary, prior to the dreaded name change… the initials K.H. are on some of the pictures and papers that I kept. Those initials make me smile, since they are the same initials today.

Video link;

YOUTUBE — Jeep- Your name- They CAN take it away.

The Political Debate

As I listened and watched the political debate the other night on television, I have to say that it was most disappointing. When there was talk of criminals, justice and domestic violence against women something about that part of the debate really angered me.

For one, this gender divide needs to stop. There are just as many men who suffer at the hands of women abusing them. Of course this isn’t something that we hear too much about, as men are more likely not to report domestic violence for a number of reasons.

Men are not victims

Men are victims just as much as women. Women can be brutally mean, they can and do verbally, emotionally and physically abuse men. Men can and are sexually assaulted by women. If a man says no to sex, (and yes, many do) often the man will cave or give in to the demand just to please the woman and to stop the belittling verbal and emotional abuse that a woman doles out. Often causing further abuse by criticizing the man’s performance. Women are controlling just as much as men.

Men are not believed

If a domestic dispute unfolds, all a woman has to do is call the police and they will quickly come to the scene. The woman merely has to claim that the man pushed her or physically touched her in some way. The man is quickly whisked away. If the man discloses what ‘really’ happened they are often not believed. After all, most men are ‘bigger and stronger’ than the woman- the authorities are quick to judge the situation based on the size of the man. None of which makes any sense.

Woman use the “if you ever lay a hand on me” threat

Many woman will state early on in a relationship that if her partner ever lay a hand on her, hit her or in any way assault her that she will leave. Knowing this many man are extremely careful not to touch the woman, even if it were in self defense. The woman can or will attack the man physically, threaten the man with a cast iron skillet in her hand, threaten to kill him- and the man does nothing. Perhaps he isn’t the type to lay hands on a woman in the first place, and defending himself by pushing her away, is…well, just not in his book right. He believes her threat of her leaving him and takes the abuse.

The control issue

Control works both ways. In most relationships there is a struggle for control. Often both parties ‘fight’ for control over the other person, or over the relationship in general. There often is control over money, control over where the couple will go, what they will do, when, even control over what foods are purchased and meals. Sounds trivial? It isn’t, these small trivial things for many can lead to violence.

Male Survivors of Abuse vs. Female Survivors of Abuse

Abuse, sexual assault, child sexual abuse happens to men and woman. It happens everyday. To girls and boys everywhere. Recently we have heard a lot about male survivors and the lack of support, funding and resources. Help needs to be available equally to everyone affected by abuse.

Resources need to be made for survivors regardless of gender. A survivor is a survivor, is a survivor. It’s time to make it about ALL survivors. No divisions, no separations- clergy abuse, incest abuse, or any other ‘dividing’ of the person who has survived sexual abuse, assault or any abuse is about the person, not who did it,  who it happened to, or where it happened. It happened. Period. Help is needed, everywhere.

The Politicians and The Justice System

Address the real issues. DO SOMETHING! Do something about crime prevention, do something about what is going on in the justice system. Do something to stop offenders from re offending. How? Don’t let the offenders out of prison if you damn well know that they are at high risk to re-offend. It’s really that simple.

The punishments need to fit the crime

Sexual assault is as close to murder as you can get. Souls are murdered, lives have been snuffed out and the victim will be affected forever. Oh, sure, we are survivors. We survive, some go onto thriving and educating others, (which is a great thing) is it our responsibility to continuously keep the ‘awareness and prevention’ out there?

Is it up to us to provide support for one another, or offer up resources, and creating more non-profits to assist others to heal, and hope for some sort of funding or help from our government? Is this the survivors responsibility? Are we to be responsible for watching out for the offenders that you let out of prison by providing us with a mug shot and a warning to watch out for an attacker?

The answer— oh, I don’t know…maybe ask your voters? And then do something. So far, there is no justice system- all you have got it a system- If you even want to call it that…and what you have is seriously flawed…

“Don’t be a twit when you tweet, and if someone calls you a twat- for whatever reason, expose them  with a simple
Re-tweet and don’t engage any further. Hit the block button. If things get out of hand, you call the authorities, including reporting them to the twitter ‘police’ -chances are they will lose the privilege and the right to tweet.”

Twitter is a social network; it’s about “being social” – People, businesses, techies, to sports fans and more, are using twitter to communicate, retrieve information, or to get messages out.

The first time I was attacked online by a bully <- link ] was when I tweeted about a fellow survivor, and the horrific abuse and sexual harassment that she endured by a well -known online- offline “famous” copywriter, marketer, Doctor and Rabbi. I won’t provide the link to that content because it’s just that nasty, and it’s not worth wasting your precious time on. Her assaults, as well as the assaults on me are still out there as evidence, and forever will be. When I read what he [the perv] said about her, it flat- out sickened me.

“I was disgusted beyond belief” which was what I ‘tweeted’ after I read the content he wrote.

The tweet wasn’t even directed at anyone with an @ in front of it- no one was mentioned in that tweet. The next thing I received a DM from the perp, and the incident escalated: in fact it went more than a bit too far, and it didn’t stop for the longest time.

Before I knew it I became the target and obsession of her attacker! The attack escalated to horrific name calling, offensive language and threats that he would “destroy me” – It didn’t stop there, it escalated to offline harassment, including the abuser creating false and defamatory content about me online.

The tweeting of the twits;
In an attempt to capture other “tweeters” abusing and harassing others for this very article on twitter bullying-I once again became a target… because; I found that a friend of mine was being attacked in a very vile and disturbing way: totally uncalled for- all because of his mentioning his opinion on a possible outcome of a hockey game!

Well, before I knew it I was receiving ‘tweets’ from a couple of hockey fans who were trying very hard to convince me that it was the player who ‘started it’  Sounds a little childish, yes… but I did want to find out for myself  if it were true. So to be certain I went through his entire twitter stream as far back as I could. (Besides I am now very careful with whom I align myself with, or who [what] I support)
What I found was quite horrifying. It was the complete opposite- He (my buddy and fellow survivor of sexual abuse) was sexually harassed by the very people who were claiming that he started it.

It doesn’t seem to matter if it’s about politics, sports or general opinions, there will always be people who don’t agree. Unnecessary classless comments and attacks are going to happen in this twitter playground, or at the twitter water cooler.

So what can you do about twitter abuse?

Sometimes retweeting the abusive comments made by the attacker will help, as it shows twitter’ world- just how lame and low these people have gone with their tweets. (In the end it simply makes them look bad)
In some cases, as in this case, I found out that find people that you don’t even know - Thanks Kevin Weekes’ -(classy, caring man) will come to your defense or support, and will “diplomatically and kindly ask bullies to stop, and be respectful.” as he did, along with a few other people with morals, ethics and respect- including my new friend  “Another Maruk-” @MarukHalifax- the young classy sister of Dennis Maruk.

Before you know it, it stops. The bully(s) have been called out.

Unfortunately, bullies will often move onto the next person that they can attack or bully.

If you are on these social networks, and you have a message, or an opinion you should be entitled to it, without fear of being attacked.
Because of the fear of attack- many people will either not stand up for what they believe in, and will be cautious of what or who they support.

Twitter, the social platform that is available for all of us to use freely and openly stifles free speech and open dialogue.
Anytime you get a bunch of people together, whether at a social gathering, political rally, or sports arena, there will be various opinions and opponents. That doesn’t mean that it’s ok to verbally abuse others, or revert to sexual harassment, name calling-or worse stalking someone because you don’t agree on something, or because we all stand for something [or someone] else.

Recap; Don’t be a twit when you tweet, and if someone calls you a twat- for whatever reason, expose them with a simple Retweet and don’t engage any further. Hit the block button. If things get out of hand, you call the authorities, including reporting them to the twitter ‘police’ -chances are they will lose the privilege and right to tweet.

Have you been a victim of abuse, or bullying? Leave a comment-

At 16 years of age I became a licensed hair stylist. I couldn’t just be a hair stylist…I had to be the best hair stylist.

So… what does an ex hockey champ – Theo Fleury and an ex hair styling champ – Karin Hiebert have in common besides the obvious?

Well besides the [obvious] fact of sexual abuse history- we BOTH should be DEAD-!

We both HAVE to win. We have to be the best. There is a score board~ someone’s gonna win!

In May of 75’ just 2 weeks after graduating from the local school of cosmetology, I took all of my hard earned money that I made working part time as a shampoo girl and flew off to San Francisco to attend the Vidal Sassoon Academy of Advanced Hair Cutting and Styling…

–when I say hard earned it was ‘hard earned’- the boss -33 years of age, married and a complete pervert to the extreme was also having his way with me-I was sexually abused at home, at work, at school…it was just the way it was.- and it had been that way since my earliest memories.

To be the best, or become one of the best, you need to go to the best. You need to practice being best. Practice is work. Work is practice. We do the work- to be best.

After returning home I entered the Manitoba Provincial hair cutting competition, where I placed 1st, amongst 30 of some of the best hairstylists in Manitoba. It was my first competition.

Competition back then was tough; precision hair cutting was at its peak~ it was the 70’s and anyone competing- knew you needed to be on top of your game to win, or even place.

I recall walking off of the competition stage feeling satisfied with my work: the majority of the stylists in attendance including the other competitors were saying things like “wow, is she ever good” and “she’s good!”
I heard those words and felt for the first time in my life that “I” was “good”-
Not good at something, not good at cutting hair- although that is what they meant- what I heard was; “GOOD” she is ‘good’

I had never felt good… now- I did. Winning hair shows and competitions became an addiction of sorts…I loved the feeling of being “good”-of feeling good…

There wasn’t a competition category that I didn’t enter, you name it, and I competed in it. For the most part I would win.
A few times I would only “place” a few 2nds, and 3rd’s …and a few times, I did lose. (I would be devastated for weeks)

• I hated losing- losing meant I wasn’t good, or good enough.

I worked hard continuously learning new skills, and creating a few of my own skills and new techniques that would give me the edge- every time I won, I needed to do even better next time.

I was my own competition, and at times it made me my own worst enemy.

My life has been like that- if I do something I need to do it well, I need to be good. THE best…and for the most part; I am…do it well, or not at all…there is no in-between.

I had the ‘typical life’ of an abused child and teenager.

• I coped in various unhealthy ways- from drugs, to promiscuity-gambling away pay cheques at the horse races, and spending money on booze and drugs.

I was a high functioning perfectionist through all of it, opening up my first hair salon at 19 years of age.

I commuted out to New York for a number of years in the mid to late 90’s to do hair every 4 weeks, for a 2 week period…I had to do that- I ran out of competitions, and besides…“if you can make it there you can make it anywhere.”
I had to make it- and did make it there.

• I had done hair for celebrities, some I still shake my head at in disbelief that I had done the hair of very high- high profile celebs, names we all know and love- Kelly Preston and John’s visit was my favorite. The weird thing was I never jumped for joy, or was even surprised when clients like these came in…it was like anyone else, a pleasant handshake and the consultation and service began.

At home in Winnipeg The Jets [hockey] team became regular clients as were their wives and the visiting teams.
I made friends with high profile people- again- that was acceptance, and confirmation that I was good- and good enough to become personal friends with them.

I am sharing this little bit about myself because I have come to realize how very similar this story is to other people’s stories of their abuse, and survival.

Today, I met Theo Fleury the ex NHL superstar and the author of “Playing with Fire” at the U of M in Winnipeg.

I listened to Theo speak about his life, about winning it all and losing it all.
He spoke about power, money and control- he might as well have been telling my story minus the 3000.00 a week cocaine habit.

Theo gave an inspiring and moving talk about life and adversity, a talk about ‘overcoming’…
I was in a room full of people, and as Theo spoke about the statistics of sexual abuse-
I knew for a fact that in that crowded room, I wasn’t the only one with this background and this story. Even though I KNEW that with every ounce of my being- I still sat there feeling alone.

I felt like the only person who actually knew about what it was like, and what kind of life I had, and have lived- was him.

The fact is- we know there are so many like us…and we do know that we are not alone. Yet, truth be told…we still feel alone, even at times like these.

- there are more survivors of abuse than non survivors- And it’s time to tell your story.

• Be of service
• Help others
• Be honest
• Do good things

Inspire, empower and encourage others- these were Theo’s words- this was his message;

“Don’t quit before the miracle”

Thanks Theo- for sharing a part of your life and for giving us this gift of courage to continue on.

• I have a new brother, his name is Theo and we both like having trophies thrown at us.

Much like an alcoholic (who will always be an alcoholic) we will always be surviving-we will always be: “a survivor”

-we pretended it never happened. We prayed- for “normalcy” even though we don’t know what normal is or if it exists- what we knew was: ‘we’ were anything but, normal.

• Male survivors
• Female survivors
• Jewish survivors
• Rape survivors
• Clergy abuse survivors
• Domestic violence abuse survivors
• child abuse survivors
• Incest survivors

1. There are more survivors than there are non-survivors… abuse is and has been rampant in our society.
2. There are similar characteristics or personality traits which survivors all seem to have in common.
3. Some of these similarities are negative- in their behaviors, actions, lifestyles: While some are most positive.

The real definition of a survivor is: Someone who has and does display perseverance to carry on no matter what- a survivor is a person of extreme Courage.